Happy Valentine's Day!

I decided to take a break today from my life component blogs and talk about- what else?- love! And lust and infatuation, for that matter. I have had three significant relationships in my years and a few not-so-significant ones. I think it's safe to say that I've felt all three of these things at some point in time (and sometimes I've felt all of them at once), and therefore I am deeming myself educated enough on these subjects to first list the definition of the word (according to dictionary.com) and follow up by giving advice about how to tell which one (or ones) you're feeling.

I will start with love.

Love.
noun. love, loving.
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.

I believe that real love is usually pure and sometimes mildly possessive. I don't say always because we are only human. I believe that lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in sixty years when they are old and fat and look like an old boot. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is probably not love. Also included in love is friendship. If you don't genuinely care about the person you're with, in sixty years you're probably going to be miserable. Eventually making a commitment to someone you love is important- there should be no fear or remorse in moving in together or marriage after time. Consider what you want from the person. If you just want to sleep with them, it is not love. If you want to spend time with them, learn about them, and have a sexual relationship with them, it is probably a good mix of love, lust, and infatuation. Also consider- does sex make you feel closer to this person? Or are you beginning to feel anxiety or regret? If either of the latter, it is not love. Love does not happen immediately and does not only happen in a "perfect" relationship. You need arguements, mistakes, and sometimes even regret in order for someone to say, "I know what you did and I still love you." Loving someone is acceptance of all that is and has been.

Lust.
noun
1. intense sexual desire or appetite.
2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.
3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving

When I think about lust, what generally comes to mind is a relationship that is expressed solely through physical affection. Lust tends to wear off the surprise wears off. Relationships that begin with lust generally do not make it to the "love" stage; if you sleep with a person right away, you probably won't get anywhere with them in the long run.

Infatuation.
noun
1. the state of being infatuated.
2. the act of infatuating.
3. foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this: a mere infatuation that will not last.
4. the object of a person's infatuation: When I was a kid, my infatuation was stamp collecting.

Infatuation can be detected easily, when a persons says he loves someone, but is unwilling to talk, make any eye contact, or willing to do anything at all, but stay away, remaining shy throughout the relationship. Jealousy is usually a result of infatuation, an insecurity or fear of being alone. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately, unlike love.

If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart? You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person.

Ultimately, I believe a healthy relationship usually consists of a little bit of everything.