When you lose someone, there will always a time to move on. A grieving period is acceptable. Anger, in moderation, is okay. Eventually, though, the time to let go needs to come.
There are three issues with loss that I feel should be properly addressed, all of which have been on my mind. First is what I'll call "casual loss", or losing someone over time, followed by an immediate loss, when you suddenly and completely eject someone from your life, and finally, I will address death.
"Casual loss" is not something you plan on, and it is rarely caused by a disagreement. Sometimes one person moves away and the relationship suffers. You talk less and less until all you are is an annual Christmas card. It happens to high school friends when they split up and go to different colleges. Some stay close, but most do not. You see that person ten years later at your reunion and she tells you about her husband and two children and you think, My God, I used to know everything about her and now I don't even know her last name.
Casual loss is not heartbreaking as it happens over time. It's only when you look back that you get a sense of nostalgia, but even that doesn't hurt so much. In the time you've lost someone, you've established new relationships to cushion the blow.
These days, there are times I will get an email from a gradeschool friend or run into someone I knew from my old neighborhood. They will say, You look great! We should really get lunch sometime, and I will smile and nod, but the truth is I am not interested in entertaining my past. The truth is I am over missing people who never cared enough to stay in my life in the first place.
The second kind of loss is immediate loss, the kind that tends to happen with most breakups and the reason best friends stop talking. It happens with a fight or another kind of disagreement, when one person can so barely stand the other that an immediate loss is necessary. This is okay. It is often mandatory that a person cuts another out of his or her life. What is not okay is going back on it and causing friction in another person's life because you can't stand to see them happy without you.
I have an ex-boyfriend who sometimes calls and leaves me angry messages. He calls me names and spreads rumors in hopes of provoking me. He tells me I am not capable of love because I do not love him.
This is a perfect example of what is not okay.
Death is the hardest to overcome. Despite what everyone says about it- that it is final, that it is closure- I feel that death is a beginning. Not in a religious way, because I'm not sure if I believe in heaven and hell, but more in a relationship way. It's the end of your relationship with them as living people and the beginning of your time with them as memories. Death is unsettling. There's not ever enough closure. It doesn't seem make your relationship with the desceased final and over- it seems to make it feel like everything is free-falling. You'll always be waiting to have a goodbye conversation and it won't ever come.
In a few days I will be acknowledging the two-year anniversary of my best friend's death. I rarely speak of him and when I do, he is perfect, golden, the only person who has never hurt me. But that isn't the case; it rarely is. He and I fought bitterly and sometimes went months at a time without speaking. For seven years I watched him struggle, abuse, and relapse. I stepped in to help several times and he pushed me away because that's the kind of relationship we had. I wanted to do one thing and he wanted opposite. I began to slowly remove myself from him, built up a wall so I would not have to watch a person I loved self-destruct. I refused to step in a final time even after he apologized and pleaded with me, and in three weeks time he was dead.
The guilt was on me for a long time. It was only after I let my anger go that I felt I could talk about him in a positive way.
I guess that's my moral today. Sometimes you need to let go of loss- and the past- in order to move forward with new relationships and the rest of your life.
Letting go of your past means being aware of your thoughts.
Letting go of your past means forgiving yourself for your mistakes.
Letting go of your past means accepting that there's nothing you can do to change it.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Yes We Did... What?
I started writing this entry on the 2:55 p.m. outbound train from Chicago to Joliet. I was two stops away from New Lenox when a mother and a daughter sat down on the seat paralleling mine. Train chugs along, Band of Horses is playing through my headphones, and everything is fine and dandy. I glance over at the happy little pair and notice the daughter, probably no more than five or six, is flipping through today's Chicago Sun Times. Good, I think to myself, this country needs more intellectuals! Train moves along a little more and I'm switching from Band of Horses to some good old As Tall As Lions. Music's paused when I hear, in song, "Baraaaaack Obamaaaaaa and Sashaaaaa and Maliaaaaa all livin' in the Whiiiiite Housseee!" And that is definitely not coming from my iPod. I look over, and little girl's eyes are locked on a picture of the newly elected & co. Momma pats her darling daughter on the head.
"You lettem' hear it, child!" she exclaims rather loudly.
"Baraaaaack and Michelleee, great peopleeee!" little girl sings louder. "Barack and Michelleyyyy!"
I roll my eyes, both annoyed and intrigued because I know I will end up blogging about this incident later. I try to sneak a picture on my phone-- no luck. Momma shoots me a look that says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you," and I cower, placing my phone back in my purse. I think about telling them I am a prospective journalist from Columbia College Chicago (not necessarily a lie) but decide against it.
Ten minutes later I exit the train. I am still thinking about little girl and Momma as I trek across the pavement to parking spot 902. It reminds me of earlier this morning when I was on my way to Dunkin Donuts for my mid-morning hot-chocolate. I found myself at the intersection of State Street and Congress Parkway staring completely aghast at a new business that was boldly named Obama's Hair Design.
I didn't know whether to laugh or take a picture. I opted for laughing because I was, after all, in the middle of an intersection with cars headed at me from two different directions. Although I didn't get the picture, I did find one online (apparently I am not the only one in Chicago who finds a salon named Obama's Hair Design completely ridiculous).
Okay, so I'll stop the storytelling and get to the point. As a journalism student, I've probably seen more papers, magazines, broadcast programs, and brochures with Obama's face plastered on the front than most people. In November, understandable. December, fine. January, alright, I'll deal with it and just hope it goes away soon. But at the end of February? Fucking ridiculous. It's a marketing scheme. Obama sells papers, I get it. But honestly, how much news is there about him? How many times can someone pull the race story? What has the man done so far in order to get a hair salon named after himself?
Before he was elected, I saw the shirts: "Yes We Can!" and I'll be openminded. Support your candidate-- I get that. After the election, I saw the "Yes We Did!" shirts. Well, YWD shirt-wearers, let me ask you this: yes we did... what? Get elected? That happens to someone every four years, people. It's not shirt-worthy. Again, I ask, why do we have places in Chicago named Obama's Hair Design? Why are little girls on trains singing about him? What has he done so far aside from push a 787 billion dollar stimulus bill and scream "hope" at the top of his lungs (only to later rather solemnly describe the current economy)?
I'm not bashing the prez. I'm not saying I don't support the man and hope everything turns out for the best for him and for the U.S. I'm just stating a simple fact that everyone's been seemingly overlooking since inauguration. It's hype. It's pop-culture. And until I see some improvements, I'm not wearing any t-shirts.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Main life component #4: Family
Back to what's most important. As anyone probably could have guessed, family is included in the list of the most important things in my life. Again, this list isn't in any kind of order, so please don't think to yourself "Wow! What kind of girl puts school in front of family?" I don't (if it weren't for the good graces of my parents and a certain deceased grandfather, I wouldn't even be able to go to school right now).
The majority of my extended family is important to me (and I say "the majority" because I have an enormous family and there are plenty of relatives I don't associate with), but my immediate family is, of course, my favorite. Instead of trying to group the three of them into a category, I'm going to take advantage of separate paragraphs and spell out their personalities and my relationship with each of them, which contrast about as much as white contrasts with black.
1. Therese "TC" (Little sister)
Therese and I are like night and day, and that goes for personalities, interests, and looks. She inherited what I like to call the "good" genes: long legs, fast metabolism, pretty light brown hair and eyes. She is about 5'7" at 14 years old. I, on the other, will probably never grow the five inches she has on me, and I have to work to keep a slender figure. My eyes aren't quite brown, but not fully green, and I'm not actually sure what my real hair color is, except that it's too dark to be blonde and too light to be brown. All that being said, when Therese and I stand next to each other, she thinks it's funny to call me "little sister" even though I've got over five years on her. To that, I say, "That's okay. Mom asked if I wanted a sibling before she went and got pregnant with you. If I didn't say yes, you wouldn't be alive."
Our humor with each other is odd and I'd imagine an outsider would look at us and not understand why we are at each other's throats one second and laughing about an inside joke the next. I'm positive it has to do with being siblings- growing up in the same house with the same parents and situations. We do things together when we can, but these days we don't see much of each other (that never seemed to be a problem with her, who moved into my old bedroom the second I got the last box out).
I'm sure we'll always have a relationship similiar to the one we have now, but I'm not concerned with. We have a better relationship than most.
2. Mikie (Mom)
My mom and I are getting along for the first time since I can remember. I know it has to do with my being older- the more I age, the more fun we have together. We still argue occassionally, but I know she always loves me and vice-versa. She has always been the parent that encouraged me to go for what I want instead of what other people (including my father) tells me to do.
3. Tom (Dad)
My dad and I don't see much of each other now, but he and I have always had a close relationship. He is the more traditional and strict parent, but he spoils me as much as he sees fit, too. Thanks to him, my name is Ashlee Jordan instead of Jordan Christina, and he will forever have my praise for that.
The majority of my extended family is important to me (and I say "the majority" because I have an enormous family and there are plenty of relatives I don't associate with), but my immediate family is, of course, my favorite. Instead of trying to group the three of them into a category, I'm going to take advantage of separate paragraphs and spell out their personalities and my relationship with each of them, which contrast about as much as white contrasts with black.
1. Therese "TC" (Little sister)
Therese and I are like night and day, and that goes for personalities, interests, and looks. She inherited what I like to call the "good" genes: long legs, fast metabolism, pretty light brown hair and eyes. She is about 5'7" at 14 years old. I, on the other, will probably never grow the five inches she has on me, and I have to work to keep a slender figure. My eyes aren't quite brown, but not fully green, and I'm not actually sure what my real hair color is, except that it's too dark to be blonde and too light to be brown. All that being said, when Therese and I stand next to each other, she thinks it's funny to call me "little sister" even though I've got over five years on her. To that, I say, "That's okay. Mom asked if I wanted a sibling before she went and got pregnant with you. If I didn't say yes, you wouldn't be alive."
Our humor with each other is odd and I'd imagine an outsider would look at us and not understand why we are at each other's throats one second and laughing about an inside joke the next. I'm positive it has to do with being siblings- growing up in the same house with the same parents and situations. We do things together when we can, but these days we don't see much of each other (that never seemed to be a problem with her, who moved into my old bedroom the second I got the last box out).
I'm sure we'll always have a relationship similiar to the one we have now, but I'm not concerned with. We have a better relationship than most.
2. Mikie (Mom)
My mom and I are getting along for the first time since I can remember. I know it has to do with my being older- the more I age, the more fun we have together. We still argue occassionally, but I know she always loves me and vice-versa. She has always been the parent that encouraged me to go for what I want instead of what other people (including my father) tells me to do.
3. Tom (Dad)
My dad and I don't see much of each other now, but he and I have always had a close relationship. He is the more traditional and strict parent, but he spoils me as much as he sees fit, too. Thanks to him, my name is Ashlee Jordan instead of Jordan Christina, and he will forever have my praise for that.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Happy Valentine's Day!
I decided to take a break today from my life component blogs and talk about- what else?- love! And lust and infatuation, for that matter. I have had three significant relationships in my years and a few not-so-significant ones. I think it's safe to say that I've felt all three of these things at some point in time (and sometimes I've felt all of them at once), and therefore I am deeming myself educated enough on these subjects to first list the definition of the word (according to dictionary.com) and follow up by giving advice about how to tell which one (or ones) you're feeling.
I will start with love.
Love.
noun. love, loving.
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
I believe that real love is usually pure and sometimes mildly possessive. I don't say always because we are only human. I believe that lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in sixty years when they are old and fat and look like an old boot. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is probably not love. Also included in love is friendship. If you don't genuinely care about the person you're with, in sixty years you're probably going to be miserable. Eventually making a commitment to someone you love is important- there should be no fear or remorse in moving in together or marriage after time. Consider what you want from the person. If you just want to sleep with them, it is not love. If you want to spend time with them, learn about them, and have a sexual relationship with them, it is probably a good mix of love, lust, and infatuation. Also consider- does sex make you feel closer to this person? Or are you beginning to feel anxiety or regret? If either of the latter, it is not love. Love does not happen immediately and does not only happen in a "perfect" relationship. You need arguements, mistakes, and sometimes even regret in order for someone to say, "I know what you did and I still love you." Loving someone is acceptance of all that is and has been.
Lust.
noun
1. intense sexual desire or appetite.
2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.
3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving
When I think about lust, what generally comes to mind is a relationship that is expressed solely through physical affection. Lust tends to wear off the surprise wears off. Relationships that begin with lust generally do not make it to the "love" stage; if you sleep with a person right away, you probably won't get anywhere with them in the long run.
Infatuation.
noun
1. the state of being infatuated.
2. the act of infatuating.
3. foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this: a mere infatuation that will not last.
4. the object of a person's infatuation: When I was a kid, my infatuation was stamp collecting.
Infatuation can be detected easily, when a persons says he loves someone, but is unwilling to talk, make any eye contact, or willing to do anything at all, but stay away, remaining shy throughout the relationship. Jealousy is usually a result of infatuation, an insecurity or fear of being alone. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately, unlike love.
If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart? You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person.
Ultimately, I believe a healthy relationship usually consists of a little bit of everything.
I will start with love.
Love.
noun. love, loving.
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
I believe that real love is usually pure and sometimes mildly possessive. I don't say always because we are only human. I believe that lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in sixty years when they are old and fat and look like an old boot. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is probably not love. Also included in love is friendship. If you don't genuinely care about the person you're with, in sixty years you're probably going to be miserable. Eventually making a commitment to someone you love is important- there should be no fear or remorse in moving in together or marriage after time. Consider what you want from the person. If you just want to sleep with them, it is not love. If you want to spend time with them, learn about them, and have a sexual relationship with them, it is probably a good mix of love, lust, and infatuation. Also consider- does sex make you feel closer to this person? Or are you beginning to feel anxiety or regret? If either of the latter, it is not love. Love does not happen immediately and does not only happen in a "perfect" relationship. You need arguements, mistakes, and sometimes even regret in order for someone to say, "I know what you did and I still love you." Loving someone is acceptance of all that is and has been.
Lust.
noun
1. intense sexual desire or appetite.
2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.
3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving
When I think about lust, what generally comes to mind is a relationship that is expressed solely through physical affection. Lust tends to wear off the surprise wears off. Relationships that begin with lust generally do not make it to the "love" stage; if you sleep with a person right away, you probably won't get anywhere with them in the long run.
Infatuation.
noun
1. the state of being infatuated.
2. the act of infatuating.
3. foolish or all-absorbing passion or an instance of this: a mere infatuation that will not last.
4. the object of a person's infatuation: When I was a kid, my infatuation was stamp collecting.
Infatuation can be detected easily, when a persons says he loves someone, but is unwilling to talk, make any eye contact, or willing to do anything at all, but stay away, remaining shy throughout the relationship. Jealousy is usually a result of infatuation, an insecurity or fear of being alone. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately, unlike love.
If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart? You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person.
Ultimately, I believe a healthy relationship usually consists of a little bit of everything.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Main life component #3: Dave
When I started this blog, I vowed never to be one of those girls who sat around all day and bitched on her blog about her relationship with her boyfriend. However, I feel that since I am going through the major components of my life, it is only fair that I acknowledge my boyfriend, Dave.
With any relationship that lasts a significant amount of time, there will be plenty of ups and downs. We've had more than our share of both (of course, I don't mind the ups so much), and I will be the first to say that, no, my relationship with my boyfriend isn't perfect. Whether it's because we don't always have the most "normal" relationship - he's always leaving and coming home - or because I'm definitely a handful most of the time, I don't believe that just because sometimes people run into problems means that the relationship isn't right.
I was never one of those girls who dated a lot and I never tossed the word love around lightly. I had three boyfriends prior to Dave and none of them kept me so intrigued and so happy for so long. I may have loved one, but not the romantic kind of love; more so, the kind of love one feels for a close friend or family member. And that's why I know that this relationship is different and why it means so much to me. He has become my closest friend and even though sometimes it feels like we're on opposite sides of the world, the only person I'd really always wait for to come home.
With any relationship that lasts a significant amount of time, there will be plenty of ups and downs. We've had more than our share of both (of course, I don't mind the ups so much), and I will be the first to say that, no, my relationship with my boyfriend isn't perfect. Whether it's because we don't always have the most "normal" relationship - he's always leaving and coming home - or because I'm definitely a handful most of the time, I don't believe that just because sometimes people run into problems means that the relationship isn't right.
I was never one of those girls who dated a lot and I never tossed the word love around lightly. I had three boyfriends prior to Dave and none of them kept me so intrigued and so happy for so long. I may have loved one, but not the romantic kind of love; more so, the kind of love one feels for a close friend or family member. And that's why I know that this relationship is different and why it means so much to me. He has become my closest friend and even though sometimes it feels like we're on opposite sides of the world, the only person I'd really always wait for to come home.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Main life component #2: Friends
Main Component #2: Friends
It seems like the school post prior to this naturally led me to talk about the "friends" component of my life. Inevitable, of course; my friends are a large part of who I am now and a large reason I am this way. Although many people have come into my life and left, sometimes as quickly as they came, sometimes lasting a considerable amount of time longer, there are three girls who have managed to tolerate all of my bullshit and kick me in the ass when I need it. I don't want to name names in this blog for multiple reasons, but each of these girls knows who she is and where she stands with me. I am equally close with each of them, but in different ways.
One of them is not close physically- in August she moved three hours away- and as far as our interests go, we have little in common. Fourteen years ago we met in Mrs. Wylie's kindergarden class. Since then she has grown into an athletic, bubbly sorority girl while I found myself in the midst of the music scene at 14 years old. She never has any idea about who I'm talking about when I ask her if she's heard of the band so-and-so, and I've never heard of most of the alcoholic drinks at the frat parties she talks about. But we get together anyway and talk about the summers we spent at her family's cottage in South Haven, Michigan, and the friends we had as kids that all seemed to grow up and disappear. She is the friend that I know will probably always be there for me, despite the fact that we can't ever do anything that suits us both at once.
I have known another of my girls since 2003. We were barely fourteen; I had a chip on my shoulder and she had electric blue hair. We hated each other quietly for quite some time before actually speaking and found that when we did, we got along famously. These days, we are attending the same school. We laugh and gossip and hate and love all of the same people. We go to Denny's nearly every time we are together and our bill is always $18.14. We have spent countless hours driving around in search of something to do. Some nights we sat in parking lots and others we've gone to shows. We're both a tad egocentric, or at least we get that way when we get together. She's the kind of friend I tell everything to because I know that regardless of what I do, she'll laugh it off and make up some excuse as to why what I did was not so terrible. She makes me feel better about myself by lightening the effect of some serious problems I've had by telling me that everything will always be okay. Whether she really believes that or just says it to make me feel better, she is probably the one person that I could tell anything to and not worry about her looking at me differently.
I met my third close friend in 2006; she applied and was hired at the store where I was employed at the time and I told her that I liked her shoes. We found we had similar tastes in music; both of us had an undying passion for Bright Eyes, and we wore the same size clothes. We worked together for a year and a half before she quit to find another job- I quit shortly after. However, in that time together, we'd grown close and would often hang out on the weekends or after work. We've had our spats, arguements, and even one full-out fight, but we've come out of each of them with our friendship intact. She has seen me at my worst- literally. I have not touched alcohol in a long time, but the first time I ever did was with her. She found my intoxication hilarious and to this day teases me about it. Our friendship is unlike most; we don't find it necessary to party and drink and get rowdy to have fun together. True, we have not always had a perfect relationship, but I feel like we know each other well enough now to get through any arguements we might have eventually.
While it's true that I wish I more friends as close to me as these three (especially when they're all busy and I feel like going out), I am still extremely pleased that I have at least three, because while I don't have many other true friends- I'd say most of the people I know are just aquaintences- a lot of people who have many friends are not nearly as close with them as I am with mine.
It seems like the school post prior to this naturally led me to talk about the "friends" component of my life. Inevitable, of course; my friends are a large part of who I am now and a large reason I am this way. Although many people have come into my life and left, sometimes as quickly as they came, sometimes lasting a considerable amount of time longer, there are three girls who have managed to tolerate all of my bullshit and kick me in the ass when I need it. I don't want to name names in this blog for multiple reasons, but each of these girls knows who she is and where she stands with me. I am equally close with each of them, but in different ways.
One of them is not close physically- in August she moved three hours away- and as far as our interests go, we have little in common. Fourteen years ago we met in Mrs. Wylie's kindergarden class. Since then she has grown into an athletic, bubbly sorority girl while I found myself in the midst of the music scene at 14 years old. She never has any idea about who I'm talking about when I ask her if she's heard of the band so-and-so, and I've never heard of most of the alcoholic drinks at the frat parties she talks about. But we get together anyway and talk about the summers we spent at her family's cottage in South Haven, Michigan, and the friends we had as kids that all seemed to grow up and disappear. She is the friend that I know will probably always be there for me, despite the fact that we can't ever do anything that suits us both at once.
I have known another of my girls since 2003. We were barely fourteen; I had a chip on my shoulder and she had electric blue hair. We hated each other quietly for quite some time before actually speaking and found that when we did, we got along famously. These days, we are attending the same school. We laugh and gossip and hate and love all of the same people. We go to Denny's nearly every time we are together and our bill is always $18.14. We have spent countless hours driving around in search of something to do. Some nights we sat in parking lots and others we've gone to shows. We're both a tad egocentric, or at least we get that way when we get together. She's the kind of friend I tell everything to because I know that regardless of what I do, she'll laugh it off and make up some excuse as to why what I did was not so terrible. She makes me feel better about myself by lightening the effect of some serious problems I've had by telling me that everything will always be okay. Whether she really believes that or just says it to make me feel better, she is probably the one person that I could tell anything to and not worry about her looking at me differently.
I met my third close friend in 2006; she applied and was hired at the store where I was employed at the time and I told her that I liked her shoes. We found we had similar tastes in music; both of us had an undying passion for Bright Eyes, and we wore the same size clothes. We worked together for a year and a half before she quit to find another job- I quit shortly after. However, in that time together, we'd grown close and would often hang out on the weekends or after work. We've had our spats, arguements, and even one full-out fight, but we've come out of each of them with our friendship intact. She has seen me at my worst- literally. I have not touched alcohol in a long time, but the first time I ever did was with her. She found my intoxication hilarious and to this day teases me about it. Our friendship is unlike most; we don't find it necessary to party and drink and get rowdy to have fun together. True, we have not always had a perfect relationship, but I feel like we know each other well enough now to get through any arguements we might have eventually.
While it's true that I wish I more friends as close to me as these three (especially when they're all busy and I feel like going out), I am still extremely pleased that I have at least three, because while I don't have many other true friends- I'd say most of the people I know are just aquaintences- a lot of people who have many friends are not nearly as close with them as I am with mine.
Main life component #1: School
Last night I went up to Mojoe's to see my boyfriend's band, A Kidnap In Color, and a band from Florida, Go Radio. While there, I ran into at least twenty-something people I hadn't seen in a good while, most of whom said, "Damn, you're still alive?"
Yes, I most certainly am.
That being said, I attempted to sum up my life into a neat little package more than twenty times in a span of four hours. And anyone that knows me well probably realizes that putting anything into a neat little package is not a short or particularly easy process for me. Only this morning, when reflecting on last night, did I realize that maybe it would be a hell of a lot easier to spell out my life and all its dramatic little details on my blog than try to explain them in person (I got plenty of blank stares last night). That way, when someone asks how I'm doing, I can just hand them a little slip of paper with a cutesy little URL on it.
Okay, I'm totally kidding about the slip of paper. I'm not THAT into myself.
I do, however, feel the need to go through the main components of my life for myself if not for anyone else. Doing it all at once would be overwhelming so I will try and get through them over the next few days. So, these "main components" are not listed order of importance. Some don't matter at all; but what will be listed are just seemingly the things I was asked most about last night and therefore are important enough to talk about.
Main component #1: School
Blah blah blah, I'm a journalism major with a public relations minor at Columbia College Chicago. You've all heard it if you know me. How's that going? Shitty, actually, thanks for asking! Why?
Yes, I most certainly am.
That being said, I attempted to sum up my life into a neat little package more than twenty times in a span of four hours. And anyone that knows me well probably realizes that putting anything into a neat little package is not a short or particularly easy process for me. Only this morning, when reflecting on last night, did I realize that maybe it would be a hell of a lot easier to spell out my life and all its dramatic little details on my blog than try to explain them in person (I got plenty of blank stares last night). That way, when someone asks how I'm doing, I can just hand them a little slip of paper with a cutesy little URL on it.
Okay, I'm totally kidding about the slip of paper. I'm not THAT into myself.
I do, however, feel the need to go through the main components of my life for myself if not for anyone else. Doing it all at once would be overwhelming so I will try and get through them over the next few days. So, these "main components" are not listed order of importance. Some don't matter at all; but what will be listed are just seemingly the things I was asked most about last night and therefore are important enough to talk about.
Main component #1: School
Blah blah blah, I'm a journalism major with a public relations minor at Columbia College Chicago. You've all heard it if you know me. How's that going? Shitty, actually, thanks for asking! Why?
- Journalism: I have a magazine concentration in the journalism program and before I can take any actual magazine classes I have to get news writing classes out of the way. That means, instead of writing features and spotlights (the big stories you see in AltPress, Rolling Stone, Ebony, Men's Fitness, or whatever you read), I'm stuck writing factual leads and breaking news (i.e. "Seven-year-old missing child found in New Brunswick, N.J. this weekend..."). These stories are essentially two to three paragraphs long are aren't worth anything a week after you write them. I am not and have never been interested in international affairs, politics, or natural disasters. Call it ignorance, tell me I can never be a journalist if I don't read the papers, say whatever you want. It doesn't make me any more interested in learning about what I don't give a shit about. I have one more news class to take after this semester and then I can get into magazine writing and editing, so I am hoping by then I enjoy it a bit more.
- Public relations: I absolutely love my PR classes. I absolutely love my PR professors. Google their names; they've worked for everyone from Bruce Springsteen to the Pope. Yes, the Pope. Recently I found out that I have the opportunity to go to L.A. for five weeks to do an internship to do PR for a massive firm there. Since marketing and journalism go hand-in-hand, I figure a well-rounded education can't hurt, and I can most likely get a job after school in either field. I am hoping that the company I plan to intern for (although I'm not allowed to say which company that is yet) will offer me a job after graduation, because I have heard from various sources (quite a few professional) that they tend to do that. Needless to say, I am stoked.
Academics aside, I've met so many awesome friends at school since I started at Columbia. In high school, I was never trendy or exceedingly outgoing- a bit out of my element, to say the least. But the second I stepped into that school, I was myself. And it shows; I'm much happier than I was a younger age, and unlike most college students, I actually look forward to going to class and seeing friends. I feel so fortunate to have the privelige of being in the city every day, too. I am trying hard to make sure I don't rush through everything (except maybe the assignments; namely, the term papers) and just enjoy where I'm at. It's a wonderful feeling and as far as school goes, I couldn't be happier.
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