Save the drama for yo momma.

Today we'll talk about drama. Not the Morgan Freeman in The Bucket List kind of drama, either. I'm talking about the screeching, obnoxious, teenage kind. We've all seen it, and we've all been stuck in the middle of it, perhaps more than once. I've certainly had my fair share of it, and, as much as my friends and I complain about it, secretly, we live for it.

I'll be honest. If there's not some problem or negativity in my life, I get restless, cranky, and really, really bored. I end up complaining about having nothing to complain about. I expand the "things that really piss me off" list by adding things that never bothered me previously, but, as I've decided of that moment, will start. We all do it, make exceptions to our own rules of getting angry. We all need a place (or, more commonly, a person) toward which we can channel our pessismism! And so, quite messily, our drama is born.

As teenagers we are programmed to say, "I hate drama." We try to believe it, and we all begin our adolecent years respecting the basic two rules of a drama-free life. Breaking either of the following will undoubtedly cause problems:
1. Do not flirt with/kiss/have sex with another adolescent female's boyfriend.
2. Do not shit-talk a female who you either are or were at one point friends with. This gossip will definitely get back to her.

Let's not sugarcoat anything here. Teenage females are brutal and can do a lot more damage to a person with their mouths than with their fists. I'm a self-proclaimed "good girl". I don't drink, I've never tried any kind of drug, and when I stay out late it's usually because I'm watching a movie at a friend's house. I'm little, but I'll willingly admit that my 5'2", 116 pound frame can do a lot of harm to someone I don't like. And I don't even have to touch them to get the job done.

But I'm not talking about damage or consequence here. I am talking about the situations themselves that cause us girls to get to ourselves into sticky bouts of drama. As females, we were born with the idea that attention (even if it is negative) is everything. We all want the limelight, even if it is given to us for the wrong reasons. We laugh and fight and kiss the boys that make us cry because that's how we were raised. We let a little, meaningless event turn into something huge, because that way, all eyes are on us.

It's just what we do. We love drama. I'm sure many females will deny this and describe me as an "attention whore" for saying such a thing. To this I say: ladies, want to fight about it?

The season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Let me begin this post by saying that the best way to kick off this Christmas by taking a look at As Tall As Lions holiday cover of O Holy Night. The smoothness of Daniel's voice fits in perfectly with the slow melody of the song. You can look at that by clicking here.

I totally got more this year than expected. What I'm most excited about is my TomTom nav system, partly because I'm a horrible driver and get lost all the time, but mostly because it's just a cool new gadget for me to play with. I also got a variety of other useful gifts, including:

• a black North Face zip-up sweater
  
  
  
• Desperate Housewives Seasons 2 & 3
  
  
  
• gift cards for Best Buy, Starbucks, and Orland Mall
  
• short pair of black Ugg boots
  
  
  
• set of 4 photo coasters
  
  

So, all in all, I made out pretty well. My sister got Wii Fit, which I'm sure I will be using just as much as she does. I hope everyone else lucked out too!

For the next few days I'm going to be thinking about my New Years resolution. Perhaps it'll be to actually keep up with my blog and not forget about it, like I have with all my other blogs. We'll see.

I'll be updating again soon! Merry Christmas!

Went to Reggie's the other night to see As Tall As Lions. A Lull opened, played a few songs, and then New Ghosts came on and did about a forty-five minute set. It was A Lull's first show, and they were awesome. As Tall As Lions came on at about ten, and played for a good hour and a half. I haven't been so excited for a show in a long time. It was similair to the feeling of being fourteen and seeing Mest or some other pop-punk band, when every song was just as exciting as the first one. I didn't get to meet the band, but I messaged Dan on myspace saying how much I enjoyed myself and he responded saying that they'll be back in March. I can't wait. They're going into the studio in two weeks to record the new album which doesn't have a title yet, but they played two new songs at the show. They closed with one that was just absolutely amazing. I'm so excited for the new album. I didn't think it was possible to love As Tall As Lions anymore than I did prior to the other night, but I can't even describe my enthusiasm at this point. If you haven't heard them, listen at myspace.com/astallaslions.

I'm on my way to the mall now though. I'm sure it will be packed, considering it's Christmas season. Not too excited to sit in traffic, but such is life in Chicago.

Separated from other things or persons; alone; solitary.

Heartbreak is the act of compacting yourself to fit into an unhealthy relationship.

This isn't brain surgery and for damn sure isn't a new concept. Such a simple little sentence, but how many people do we know that constantly repeat the cycle of "man, why do I keep going for crazy fucking girls?" This leads to one of two theories: A., these people are not as intelligent as we would like to think, or B., these people are just as mentally screwed up as the people they are dating (because the people you choose to be with are only reflections of who you are, what you find attractive, what you find acceptable, what you're willing to put up with, and what you're willing to be subjected to).

Maybe it's me that I'm talking about. Maybe I am the fool that constantly makes excuses for my boyfriends when they walk all over me. "I've been kind of bad myself," I'll explain to my friends. "Maybe I deserved that." Maybe it is me that supports this cycle that continues to let wolves in sheep's clothing go unchallenged. Maybe it's me that knows that a person is undeserving of my love, and yet I still chase after that night he kissed me goodbye under streetlights so hard that it made me float back to my room. And I know, deep down, that he'll never kiss me like that again, and despite all attempts at re-living that night, he will only perpetually disappoint. Because on nights like those, despite common sense, we idealize. We see these people as our excuse to never be lonely again. We look past flaws even though most of us have good enough judgement to know that no one is really as pretty of a package as they appear.

We fall for the same rouse time and time again because those things in our stomach that we think are butterflies are really just dull grey moths. This is the feeling that infatuation makes when tearing down every wall you've ever built around your heart. This is when you're conned into thinking that this person is everything you've ever wanted. And that's where we go wrong because that's when we start believing that someone can complete us.

This person will stay for a significant amount of time and the two of you will take advantage and as much from each other as possible before he leaves you from unhappiness. You will cry and beg and say, "but it was true love!" but at the end of the day you'll be back at square one.

Because it wasn't true love. True love is not allowing yourself to think that someone completes you, but allowing someone to give you the support required to figure out how to complete yourself. True love isn't looking past a few days of forgotten phone calls (because no one ever really "forgets"- they just don't care as much as you fool yourself into thinking). Love isn't begging for answers, asking innumerable times, "why are you doing this?" to the beautiful boy who continues to string you along and break your heart. True love is knowing someone is deserving of your love when they are willing and excited to receive it. True love for ourselves is not giving our time to those reckless with our hearts because we know we are better than that.

Maybe it is me. In complete honesty I'm not sure I'm quite ready for true love. Just like when I was sixteen, I still curl into a fetal position in my bed in the dark with my eyes open staring at the wall. I'd like someone to take a look at the baggage I carry with me and not be upset about what they find inside. I wonder if there is anyone out there that can truly understand a machine, because sometimes being so introverted and self-reliant gets a little lonely. Sometimes, just because there is a new body in bed next to me doesn't mean I feel any less abandoned.

My cat taught me the principle that it never hurts to do what you want.

Yes. I am a cat person.

It's a bold statement, one that I never before thought I could muster up the guts to speak. I'd heard it on several occasions yet always had thought to myself, "as soon as this conversation is over, my relationship with this person is done. She is one of them." And, indeed, I always believed that they were different. They spent innumerable dollars on fancy portraits that hung above their mantels; they then worshipped these portraits like greek gods. Even worse, they spoke to their objects of affection like babies. "Does my little Fluff-Fluff girl want a kiss? Ooh, she does! She does! C'mere my little Fluffer!" they would coo, unashamed.

There was a time that I scoffed at these people. These... cat people who chose a pet that would rather play with a piece of string than catch a frisbee. You can't bring a cat to the beach or go jogging with a cat at your side. You never hear of crazy old dog ladies. "What's the point?" I'd always wondered. But then again, I'd never had a cat.

On August 4th, 2008, I was visiting the local animal shelter (to see the dogs, of course) when I noticed a little black and white ball of fur staring up at me through the wire mesh of a cage. I bent down to get a closer look, wondering what kind of puppy could be so tiny. Two tiny green eyes popped open from inside the furball. Cat eyes. I groaned, knowing I would be sucked in by this little thing. An hour later, I was carrying my two pound kitten into Petsmart to buy some food and a litterbox.

As we walked through the aisles, I explained to her what would and would not be allowed in my house. "I will not be talking nonsense to you!" I lectured. "You will be treated like a dog. You will eat when dinner is served, and you will eat what I put down for you. You will learn how to sit, and you do not have free range of the countertop." While picking out a nice grey bed, I opted to give her the name Moo. She was, after all, black and white, and it reminded me of something you would name a dog. I would not have a Princess or Sweetie in my house.

A few days passed and I decided that maybe I had previously been too hard on cat people. She was entertaining, after all. I realized that she was far more amused with a newspaper or a tinfoil ball than any of the nice mouse-shaped toys I had bought for her. Although I wasn't then ready to admit my love for cats, I decided to give it time. We would bond in a quiet, human sort of way.

Weeks passed. She gained weight and eventually became a massive four pounds. We had a nice relationship; although I had to remove her from the countertops on occasion, she seemed to know her boundaries. One day in mid-October, I was fixing her dinner at the counter (she seemed to have won that battle; she had "trained" me to give her half wet food and half dry) when I took a step backward without looking over my shoulder. A terrible howl followed my step and I realized after a moment of sheer horror that I was standing on Moo's tail.

I jumped off quickly. "Aw, my little Moo baby, mama's so sorry she stepped on your wittle tail!" I offered apologetically.

Wait a minute.

I glared over my shoulder. Who said that? Certainly not I. I looked back at Moo for an answer. She had forgotten about the pain of her crushed tail and was staring at her bowl of food, still untouched on the counter. I put it on the floor for her to enjoy and watched her eat, disgusted with myself for being so weak.

It's been about four months since I've adopted Moo. She now sleeps stretched across my chest. She terrorizes my seventy pound yellow lab. She "countersurfs", as my vet calls it, and I can't always catch her in the act. Much to my dismay, her new favorite perch is the top of my Christmas tree. I have learned to remove the glass ornaments. She has attacked my feet-- and face-- while I've been sleeping. She is a five pound monster, but watching her for an hour is funnier than watching a Jeff Dunham special on Comedy Central.

I haven't yet had her portrait done, and I don't plan to anytime in the near future. I do, however, have about sixteen pictures on my phone that I show my friends on a regular basis. "Look at how Moo was sleeping!" I will say excidedly while whipping out a picture. "Look! She's like a little person!" My friends will stare, unconvinced.

It happens slowly to some and quickly to others, but it always happens if you make the decision to adopt a cat.

Yes. I am turning into one of them.

19 Life lessons learned by age 19.

1. Personal glory lasts forever.
2. People deserve a second chance, but not a third.
3. Venegence is just a lazy form of grief.
4. Words are poor security.
5. It is a very dangerous thing to do exactly what you want.
6. There are such things as unwritten laws, especially between friends.
7. Bad things do happen to good people.
8. First impressions are completely worthless 75% of the time.
9. Back up the files on your PC.
10. Good friends ignore each other after something humiliating happens; great friends pretend nothing happened.
11. We’re all in denial about something.
12. Love to your greatest ability so if it doesn’t work out, you won’t regret anything.
13. When in doubt, wear black.
14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who walk into a room and say, “Well, here I am!” and people who walk into a room and say, “Well, there you are.”
15. Looking at something changes it.
16. Regardless of what happens, the sun will rise tomorrow.
17. Most of the time what you are looking for is right in front of you.
18. Be passionate, but also be realistic.
19. The things you do now will be what you reminisce about in your later years.